Monday, November 17, 2014

The kids are alright: My random happy post

   That's 10 reps at 200 lbs  (going on 300 hopefully soon!) on the
  decline leg press... I'm finally (slowly) getting back my wheels.

I walked into the gym this morning in tears. Why? Because I just left my 4 month old for the first time ever, in childcare. Sure, he would only be there for less than 2 hours, but I had just dropped him off and for no other reason than to have some "me time". I don't know how all the do-it-all moms out there drop their kids off in daycare, but bravo to all the women who must, and can, do that.

Mid-workout, I was once again, in tears. However, I was crying for a totally different reason. My tears this time, was the reason I dropped my kids off and went to the gym. I was crying because I was having a high... the kind I get only when I am not worried about rushing home in time to feed my hungry baby or when I'm not worried that I am not spending enough time with my oldest little man. I was pushing some serious weight, and that makes me feel good.

A little over a week ago, I was at my breaking point. Kai wouldn't stop whining, and Luca wouldn't sleep. Kai wouldn't listen to me, and Luca was insanely tired. I couldn't go do the one thing that was my release, which is lifting weights. Luca was up at all hours of the night nursing, but he wasn't even hungry. I finally decided to sleep train him, even though it was 2 months before I actually wanted to do so. After a few minutes of letting him cry, he passed out, and continued to do so (minus the crying) at every nap time and bedtime. That's 45 minutes TOTAL of crying with the whole process in exchange for sanity, more quality time spent with Kai, happiness in our marriage, quality sleep for Luca, and all around this household is just so much more joyful.

Last night, the stars aligned. Everyone slept fairly well, I went to the gym for a whole 1.5 hours, Luca had a great time at childcare (I found him passed out on the tummy time mat) and Kai had some fun time with kids his age. I could think clearly again. I looked at Luca and saw that he had somehow changed overnight- he is suddenly in his big brother's all-in-one cloth diapers as he had grown out of his newborns, holding a ball with some serious coordination, Kai is helping me with his little brother and has around 3 or 4 new words everyday. Life is just an amazing thing when you're "awake" enough to experience it. I may not be a working mom who needs to drop my kids off in order to make money, but I am a mom who is working on my M.S. at night while the children sleep, taking a break from work so that I can focus on the babies, and I need the time alone to regroup and be the version of me who makes not only myself happy, but keeps my family healthy and happy.

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